Sad Symphony of Love
by Sassy Kames
Summary: Now a short story about Kendall's struggled relationship with James. First chapter 4 A.M by Melanie Fiona.
1. 4 AM

**A/N **Been listening to this song for the past hour. Made something useful out of it. Sadness, crappy, but sadness. Please please please go look up the beautiful Melanie Fiona and listen to this song. It's sad, but her voice. The tune. The everything. It ain't 4 a.m here, but it is 1 a.m. Apologizing for hidden mistakes. :)

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**4 A.M**

My head was hung low, my blonde hair shading my tear tracked face from the world. I'm on James' bed criss crossed apple sauce with my hands clasped gently in my lap. My eyes were dry as they stared blankly down at nothing. They stung from hours of having tears streaming from them and my nose was stuffed to the maximum. My head hurt, my heart hurt, fuck, everything hurt when I knew James was somewhere else, with someone else, calling them 'baby' and going behind my back.

I never thought he'd do this to me. I trusted him, I gave him my all yet he still cheats. I don't understand that concept. If you don't want to be with someone any longer, just tell them because cheating definitely makes nothing better. It hurts. I'm hurt. I'm beyond hurt and confused.

I probably sound like I'm 100 percent sure that I know James is cheating on me, but it's true. I found the lacey thong in the bottom of the loundry basket, I smelled his shirt that I was going to wash for him that reeked of a flowery perfume.

In the middle of the night he'd sneak out and magically be back in the morning. Either in the shower or climbing into bed with me dripping wet coming from the shower. To wash of whoever's scent from the girl he was seeing.

Tears streamed down my face and I picked up my phone again. With blurry vision, I dialed his number but with the same results for the past two hours. No answer. In anger I threw my cell phone against the wall and watched it shatter to the floor.

I got out of my child's position and pulled my knees up to my chest before burying my head on the top and began to cry all over again. Two dumb hours I've been trying to reach my numb boyfriend. Yes, we're still together despite of me knowing he's cheating.

I just want him to come clean to me. I just thought maybe he'd start to feel guilty and realize what he's doing is wrong and that he'd confess up. I thought he'd love me enough to tell me he's doing me wrong and that he wants to fix it. Something along there, it's all I'm asking for. I mean, I'm not the one sneaking behind my lover's back, am I?

I sniffled as a thought came into my head. There was a new girl who moved in recently, an actress and dancer for a new teen drama program. James always had a thing with dancers. I'm stupid for not realizing it sooner. The girl had given him flirty hints, hints that I ignored because I knew James loved me and only me. Or so I had thought. At the time I had nothing to worry about. But now...

I need to sleep but can't until James comes back. We're talking about this tonight, I'm tired of waiting for him to come clean to me. I slid out of his bed, my bare feet soundlessly hitting the carpet floor in his room. I shivered slightly even though I was in black sweat pants and a grey wife beater with a thin black jacket. I zipped myself in and padded to the door.

A drink. I need to drink something or I'd go mad with my hurricane thoughts. James must think I'm stupid if he thinks I haven't figured it out. Maybe I am stupid...

For staying with a cheater.

"Ugh." I groaned out loud in the silent apartment. Only two other people lived here and that was Carlos and Logan, my older brothers who have no relation to me at all. I'd imagine they'd be sleeping since it was four in the morning.

I continued my padding to the kitchen and went to the fridge opening it. "Carlos won't mind if I steal a beer."

I'd take any alcohol at this point.

I went to our spacious living room and fell down on the orange sofa. Curling my legs under me, I switched the flat screen on and went to MTV. Music calms me down in whatever situation I'm in.

I opened the can of beer and took a sip. I rested my elbow on the back edge of the sofa and leaned my head back against it with my drink balanced on my lap. My eyes burned but nothing was worth giving a fuck to at the moment. I closed them to see if that would ease the stinging.

They popped open when angelic singing filled the room softly.

_Sitting here feeling kinda crazy_

_But not just any crazy_

_It's the kind you feel when you love somebody_

_And I know that my baby_

_Is calling somebody else baby_

_And I can't sit still_

_Look how gone it got me_

_Who knew that my heart could ever bruise_

_You see this scar here on my chest_

_I'm hurting and he don't even care_

_It's 4 AM and my lover won't answer_

_He's probably somewhere with a dancer_

_Sippin' champagne while I'm in his bed_

_It's 4 AM and I think I might lose it_

_This motherfucker thinking I'm stupid_

_He must have bumped his head_

_I only know it's 4 AM_

_Standing here and I'm getting heated_

_Pour me up a drink I swear I need it_

_I think I'ma about_

_About to hurt somebody_

_Swear this man is begging me to leave him_

_Getting sick of being so mistreated_

_Another night without_

_Without his arms around me_

_Who knew that my heart could ever bruise_

_You see this scar here on my chest_

_I'm hurting and he don't even care_

Tears dripped down my cheeks as I stared at the woman singing seemingly to be going through the same shit like me. I felt her, I felt her hard. Suddenly feeling a presence in the room with me, I looked up and saw James standing there by the door looking stricken as he too watched the tv. I stared at him until he faced me.

I sniffled to make his sorry ass guilty before turning back to the singer myself.

_It's 4 AM and my lover won't answer_

_He's probably somewhere with a dancer_

_Sippin' champagne while I'm in his bed_

_It's 4 AM and I think I might lose it_

_This motherfucker thinking I'm stupid_

_He must have bumped his head_

_I only know it's 4 AM_

_I don't deserve this life_

I don't, I was a good boyfriend.

_I'd make the perfect wife_

I would, I was, I cooked him food and gave him massages from working out. I made sure my baby was okay at all times.

_And I know love's a sacrifice_

_But who's gonna sacrifice for me and give me all the time and_

_Who knew that my heart could ever bruise_

I looked over at James. He had moved closer and immediately looked back at me once he felt my eyes on him. That same dumb stricken look was still on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something. I don't know what emotion my eyes held or what my expression was, but it seemed to make James think twice about trying to- what? Deny the ugly truth?

The damn tears were back. James stepped towards me. I stood up.

_You see this scar here on my chest_

_I'm hurting and he don't even care_

And walked away to my room for the first time ever. The music followed me, surrounded me, the powerful lyrics swallowed me up. I opened my bedroom door and went inside.

_It's 4 AM and my lover won't answer_

_He's probably somewhere with a dancer_

_Sippin' champagne while I'm in his bed_

_It's 4 AM and I think I might lose it_

_This motherfucker thinking I'm stupid_

_He must have bumped his head_

I didn't sleep that night. I didn't have to see for myself to know that James did either.

_I only know it's 4 AM_


	2. It Kills Me

**A/N **Okay... so people liked this I guess, therefore it shall be a four part story. I'd just like to say sorry and thank you to the people who stick with me and my ongoing of never complete stories. I probably annoy some of you but it means a lot when people will put up with me, if not tolerate me. I appreciate you all, and your reviews. :)

Moving on... here's the small track list. Everything is all figured out, just needs to be written.

1. 4 am - Melanie Fiona

2. It Kills Me - Melanie Fiona

3. Torn - LeToya Luckett

4. Heart Attack - Trey Songz

So yeah, these four songs all wrapped in one is how my life relationships are. Blah. That's how this story formed I guess. And do I really need to do a disclaimer? Obviously I don't own the music or artists or big time rush.

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**It Kills Me**

I'm sleeping in my room for the first time ever really since James and I got together. Obviously I'm not sleeping because I'm too busy crying into my pillow but still. It's weird because James and I slept together for a year and a half so I'm not used to the other side of the bed absent. Or being cold.

At least it was until at seven in the morning when my bedroom door opened quietly and a body, one oh so familiar slipped in beside me. With my back facing him, I held my breath waiting to see what James would. I could hear his breathing right up against my ear as he pressed his chest against me.

"Kendall." he spoke, his voice low. The heart breaker stabbing in the back scumbag's voice still manages to rise goosebumps out of me. "You're no stranger to me, I know you're awake."

Well, damn.

I turned around after a few minutes of contemplating and stared up at James. In the dark his hazel eyes glow like cat-like eyes and I can barely see his dark, thick lashes brushing against his high cheek bones. My eyes travel downwards and I see he's wearing no shirt.

That's fine, I mean I'll just be distracted by his sculpted eight pack in its tan beautiful glory. I clear my throat and feel my face heat up slightly as I look back up and stare at James. His eyes are pleading so desperately that I'm taken aback.

"Kendall, I'm an idiot. I hurt you even though I knew what I was doing and didn't quit. I know I don't deserve you and I'm a selfish prick for saying this but I still love you...and if we're broken up, please give me another chance."

My eyes closed when a finger gently stroked my cheek. Okay so maybe he doesn't just rise goosebumps out of me. He's a sweet, smooth talker the ass hole. And I found myself believing, succumbing to his pleas.

"Please baby," he whispers, his hot breath against my face. He cups my cheek with one hand and grasps my chin with the other. I find myself being pushed down to the mattress and my head tilted back. My eyes are still closed as a body covers mine from head to and I feel James' lips tenderly brushing against mine. "I love you." he whispers.

And that's when I let him back in.

I grasp his face and find his lips with mine and we stay in bed together till the afternoon.

**Line Break**

It's been two months since James and I got back together and our progress as being a happy couple was still on the go and rocky as ever. We've had several little fallouts and spats yet we work over them only to start back up on square one.

Which is where he disappears on me and comes back late in the night. He doesn't smell like girly perfume anymore but occasionally my mind thinks if he covers it up with his own. I always shake that thought away because he promised never to hurt me like that again. But when I confront him on where he's been and what the hell he was doing, he picks a fight with me. So he's got me thinking...

I'm on the couch and Carlos is leaning against the wall, has been ever since I began waiting- probably for the third night in a row now- for James to come home at an ungodly hour. This time it was leaning on three in the morning.

"Kendall, why do you keep letting him do this to you? You've got to do something about this." Carlos sighs as he ruffles up his spiky hair.

My eyes prickle and I curl my hands into fists. "Don't you think I am? I _have_? I'm trying." I don't mean to snap but I'm upset and pissed because I've been trying to keep our relationship working but James is too damn sneaky, he doesn't really tell me anything even though I've given him multiple chances. He says things that are hateful to the point where I want to break up with him but I don't have the heart. I can't stand it.

I drive Carlos and Logan and the rest of my friends crazy because they know I'm played- still- and yet I'm still with James, the player. I love him so much though he hurts me all the time. I can't leave him, he's my first everything. I want him to be my last, I don't want anyone else to have him. But we're crumbling, I can see it clear in the day. I can feel it and it hurts so I cling.

Cling to our breaking relationship even though another side of me is demanding _What's the point? _James and I still have our moments, maybe that's what I know if we break up, I'll miss desperately the most. That's what I'll know if someone else takes my place will get and I can't have that. It hurts to think that.

Fingers stroking my cheek startle me and I look up into warm caramel eyes. "I'm torn, Kendall. I can't keep watching him hurt you like this but you won't let anyone do a damn thing." Carlos sighs again and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry." he says before making his way to his and Logan's bedroom.

I think of their happy relationship like the idiot I am and begin to break down. The tears are silent as they trickle down my cheeks and travel all the way down to the curve of my mouth. There they continue downwards, running under the dip of my chin and tickling their way down my neck. I groan and heave myself off the couch.

"Why can't you just be here for once?" I grumble to myself about James, my voice thick and throaty. "Why can't you just be happy with me?" I'm in the kitchen filling a cup of ice water for myself. I take a big drink, wincing because it hurts to swallow before setting the cup down on the counter.

My eyes are locked on the stereo a few feet away. Music is my savior, always has been and always will be. I pad my way over to it and turn it on softly. I settle on a station, it sounds like a new song was going to start. I lean into the counter and wrap my arms around my middle. I'm in a shirt and shorts and Logan gets the hottest easily so the air is on its highest.

Goosebumps rise all over my body but I don't know whether it's from the cold or the sound of the front door opening with a loud bang. James enters the kitchen seconds later looking startled when his eyes land on me.

I don't need to smell the perfume to know he's been with someone when I can see the faint marks of glossy lip stick on his neck.

I stare at him feeling numb all over.

"Kendall-"

"Why? I don't understand." my voice I'm surprised is even, leveled at a calmness. Complete opposite from how I feel on the inside.

"I-"

"Who is she?"

_Do you really want to know? You honestly want to know who it is your boyfriend has been seeing behind your back for God knows how long? _

That other side of me demands brokenly and I find myself smartly agreeing. I just shake my head and walk out.

I leave James with "Sleep in your own room tonight."

And so that we don't a repeat of what happened the last time when I meant to sleep by myself, I lock my door with a heavy heart.

**Line Break**

James stood in the kitchen where Kendall left him staring at the floor. He knew he fucked up this time, he knew he was fucking up while he was with that girl yet he didn't stop himself.

Someone singing made him look up and look around the room. His eyes stopped and wavered over the stereo that was left on. He made his way over to turn it off while thinking about how he could make it up to Kendall.

The woman singing on the radio made him stop his movement of switching the power button off.

_Oh yeah, I've got trouble with my friends_

_Trouble in my life_

_Problems when you don't come home at night_

_But when you do, you always start a fight_

_But I can't be alone_

_I need you to come on home_

_I know you're messing around_

_But who the hell else is, is gonna hold me down?_

James frowned and slowly removed his hand off the music player, his hazel eyes staring down at it dazily.

_I gotta be out my mind_

_To think it's gonna work this time_

_A part of me wants to leave_

_But the other side still believes_

_And it kills me to know_

_How much I really love you_

_So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh_

_To you, ooh, ooh_

The woman's voice was powerful though you could tell by the pain in her lyrics, the hurtness of her voice that she was in pain. That someone was doing her wrong. James swallowed.

_Should I grab his cell, call this chick up_

_Start some shh, then hang up?_

_Or I should I be a lady?_

_Ooh, maybe 'cause I wanna have his babies?_

_Oh yeah, yeah_

_'Cause I don't wanna be alone_

_I don't need to be on my own_

_But I love this man_

_But some things I just can't stand_

_I gotta be out my mind_

_To think it's gonna work this time_

_A part of me wants to leave_

_But the other half still believes_

James wondered if this was how Kendall felt. He truly was an idiot and was sorry but James, he couldn't help himself. He rubbed his face and groaned softly, letting the rest of the lyrics surround him and his guilty heart.

_And it kills me to know_

_How much I really love you_

_So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh_

_To you, ooh, ooh_

_Should I pay you back_

_To see how you react?_

_To see if you react to my love, my love_

_I gotta be out my mind_

_To think it's gonna work this time_

_A part of me wants to leave_

_But the other side still believes_

_And it kills me to know_

_How much I really love you_

_So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh_

_To you, ooh, ooh_

_And it kills me to know_

_How much I really love you_

_So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh_

_To you, ooh, ooh_

James stood there for several minutes after the song ended. He'd turned off the stereo and stood in silence, taking everything in. When he finally did decide to move, it was way past three, closing in on four.

He groaned and began to tiredly think of an apology to say to Kendall in the morning while walking to his room.


End file.
